In Virtue of Dreaming
by Aayla Security
Summary: Jack was a dreamer, but nothing ever came to his hand the right way.


In Virtue of Dreaming

Archive – Take it; it's yours (just tell me where it will end up).

Category – Angst, Romance

Rating – PG

Warnings – NONE (if angst doesn't count)

Summary – Jack was a dreamer, but nothing ever came to his hand the right way.

Feedback – Greatly appreciated.

Disclaimer – Any money-wise profitable aspects in regard to this movie certainly are not affiliated with me.

Author's Note – This is likely to be my last Brokeback Mountain fan fiction. No, not because you guys are not fabulous, but because I have run out of ideas and plus spring break is almost over. Got to get back to my own dang loop.

Author's 2nd Note – So as I've said, I have revised this. The title was waaaay too lame, therefore the title is changed. I now have another weird idea in my mind…so it turns out I haven't run out of ideas after all. (yay.) Big thanks to the important people who have given me awesome reviews. Without your help, my life would be miserable (and I mean, really, REALLY, miserable).

* * *

More asleep than awake, Jack reached for Ennis, only to find the other side of his bed empty. That completely sobered Jack up. 

"Ennis…?" he sat up and caught the usual faint scent of coffee and scrambled eggs.

Jack smiled to himself; dominant as Ennis was, when it came to housework he never failed to get up earlier than Jack and always did the cooking. But he would need some additional help soon when it came to ranch work instead. With that thought in mind, Jack rolled off the bed, got dressed and exited the bedroom, seeing the expected figure by the counter in sunlight.

He walked up and carefully placed his hand on Ennis' left shoulder, "Mornin'," he looked at the other man and said softly.

The quiet man (as usual) glanced at Jack before returning to cooking, but not before Jack successfully noticed the half-smile on Ennis' lips that revealed just how glad Ennis really was. He cocked his head to one side and motioned Jack to their breakfast table, implying the meal was almost ready.

Jack squeezed Ennis' shoulder a little, smiling more broadly and let go. He sat down at the wooden furniture and Ennis brought up the plates. "Get yourself some coffee," he ordered, pointing at the counter. Then they ate in silence, appreciating and enjoying each other's company.

The kitchen was clean and organized; the quietness was familiar and comfortable; the food was the standard stuff they always ate but somehow still managed to be tasty. Ennis was a good cook; Jack knew and was grateful to that, even though he wasn't really thinking about the meal.

There was a hard day lying before them; their cow-and-calf operation wasn't going as smoothly as it had last year. The weather had been terrible; the price of feeding the animals had sky-rocked, and their ranch still wasn't "licked into shape", not even by Jack's standard. It was tough for ranch work, therefore Ennis and Jack had to work especially hard to make ends meet. But the problems would be overcome, Jack maintained in his mind, as long as he could have Ennis by his side.

He fixed his gaze on Ennis, who was also deep in thoughts and absent-mindedly sending food down his own throat. Jack watched Ennis closely, seeing the steady pace he ate at, the way his hands and arms moved around, the rhythm companying him chewing the food, and the sparkling moments in his generally stoic expression, from a flash of his eyes tothe slightest twitch at the corner of his mouth. Then it struck Jack that all this was really happening, to them.

Jack felt his eyes welling up with tears of pure joy; how he loved seeing Ennis like this, so tangible and so real, living up their own dreamed life. He would pay anything just to have them be like this, just like this, always. It was not materialistically easy in any way, but somehow merely living together had sufficed any thing that was and was not in their previous lives.

"What's up, cowboy, fed up with my cookin' skills? You hardly eat." Ennis teased, surprising Jack since Jack didn't expect him to notice that. His mocking expression turned into concern when he saw the tears in Jack's eyes, "Jack? What is it?"

Jack looked down but could not help breaking off a tearful grin that almost made him look like an idiot; embarrassed, he looked away, but the throaty laughter caught him off guard and he chuckled again through tears. _That's that;_ Jack resolutely suppressed the urge to display idiocy and tried to stone the emotions rising inside him.

Ennis stared at Jack in a curious fashion; as if he knew everything, but eventually decided not to show it. Jack figured Ennis was going to pretend nothing had happened, continue to eat and get down to their ranch business. However, to Jack's amazement, Ennis did not resume eating; instead, he stood up, leaned forward and took Jack into his arms.

Jack closed his eyes, deciding the peaceful happiness was too great to bear. He smiled, once again, in tears and in bliss, smelling Ennis, feeling Ennis's strong hold, craving for Ennis in such a way that he could not thoroughly understand. They stayed like this for some time, and Jack wished the moment could last forever. Then it came, clear and simple, that why he needed Ennis in the touchable distance so desperately, and why he felt like himself whenever Ennis was by his side.

Holding onto Ennis tightly, he rested his chin on Ennis' shoulder and whispered into his ear,

"I love you…"

More asleep than awake, Jack reached for Ennis, only to find the passenger seat empty. That completely sobered Jack up.

"Ennis…?" Face still damped in tears, Jack sat up and called. He was puzzled and bewildered: voice husky, sitting in his pick-up at dawn, his body sore everywhere, hands clutching the steering wheel, with a mansion for some reason related to the name "Newsome" on the horizon…then the memory before night flooded back at a cruelly fast speed.

Postcard, Ennis, divorce, drive, Ennis, rejection, Mexico…

The pain stayed unhealed. Jack remembered that he had cried all the way back to Texas, and ended up pulling over the road then since he could not trust his ability to drive home in one piece.

Devastated and crying hard yet again, Jack cursed himself for being so weak and so stupid. Of course Ennis wouldn't want him…he got his kids and his life…and his strict rule "if you can't fix it, you got a stand it"…

_If you can't fix it, you got a stand it_…Jack felt his grip on the control tightened.

"Stand what, fix what, Ennis?" he choked, pushing his head against the panel, "I can't stand be like this no more."


End file.
